Did you say Drunken Sailors?

You remember my home girl that I told you all about few weeks ago? Let's call her Suzy for privacy reasons. Well we had been planing to go out all week. Even though I was tired as Hell. I wasn't going to cancel. So I took a power nap and got ready for a night in China Town. She warned me not to eat, because she was going to take me to a cool spot for food. I didn't listen to her though. I was so hungry and I still hadn't made a dent in the pizza that I had cooked; so I heated up a nice big slice. I figured by the time we would eat I would be hungry again. I took the pizza out the oven and put it on a dish. Dish in hand; I walked over to turn the air conditioner on. I don't know what I did, but my big slice of pizza fell straight to the floor. I was too salty. I guess that's what I get for not listening.

Once I got to China town I was truly amazed. This is a place that I need to try to visit at least twice a month. As soon as I got off the train, I was drawn to the shops on the street. I hadn't even made it 1/4 of the way down the block, and I had already gone into five different shops. *Personal Note* Always bring cash when you go to China Town. A lot of places don't except credit or debit.

After bargaining and shopping; Suzy and I went to a local Chinese spot that was decorated with dollar bills. The food was really cheap and pretty good. The only thing that I would complain about was the size of the restroom. It was extremely tight. If I had sat down my knees would NOT have been touching the wall as so much on top of the wall. I think it was meant for a man to go in there and stand up.

Okay, I admit I'm addicted to Karaoke and the weird thing is I didn't care for it several years ago. Something changed. I realized you just have to enjoy your self rather you sound good or bad. After eating We decide to go to a Karaoke bar. It is known that Daisuke Inoue invented the first karaoke machine. The way Asians do Karaoke is totally different than how Americans do it. Half of the time you cant hear yourself, so your screaming your song in the mic. Least to say I will not be karaokeing Asian style no time soon. Even though I didn't like the karaoke spot we went to; I did meet some really cool people. It really is a small world after all. I met a lady that was from Champagne Urbana. She complemented me on my nail polish, so I whip it out my bag and did her nails at the bar. She and her friend was so impressed they bought me a drink. Her friend, was from Michigan. He had me cracking up all night. He had a load of men on his phone, and all of the pictures were from the neck down!
"you know what I mean Vern?"
There was another guy sitting next to us at the bar. He told us he couldn't sing. He offered to pay for our songs so he could hear us sing. That was nice of him and we gladly accepted. We had a ball, but now I was horsed and getting tired. You all know my "yawn rule", so it was time for me to go. We said our good bye and on the subway I went.

At first I thought I was going to have the car to myself, but right before the door closed a lady ran in. She begin to talk to me right away. Her name was Elizabeth. She had just gotten back from a date at Coney Island. Strangely, people don't know me, but they all ways want to share their personal thoughts with me. I think I should have became a psychiatrist. Elizabeth informed me that she was 46yrs and she had stopped getting her period this much. TMI I know! She then told me that this sadden her because she wanted children and now she wouldn't be able to have any. I tried to make her feel better by telling her it could be a fluke. Sometimes your body just acts abnormal and then gets back on tract. Plus if she was done ovulating; she could always adopt, or go through other drastic measures. She then told me she didn't have the money for that. She said she felt guilty because she had had four abortions by four different men! She ended the conversation by inviting me to a birthday party that was taking place the next day. Needless to say, I didn't go. I got so caught off guard listening to her story I almost missed my stop. Thank God she told me my stop had come up right before the doors closed again.

The next night Suzy and I went to Karaoke again. This time at one of my favorite spots. Mr. Biggs located in the Time Square Area. As I told you before, this was Fleet Week. Sailors from around the world docking there ships in NYC for a week. Running around in their uniforms looking sexy as hell! If you want more details about fleet week you can look it up. We ended up sharing a table with five sailors who were all Philippine. They were friendly and three of them could sing. We joked, drank, sung, and danced the night away. I backed it up on one of them and he had to take a smoke afterwards. You know their on the sea months at a time with no women in sight...but with that you still have to be careful because it is rumored that a lot of sailors are gay...

There were soo many good singers there that night along with a few bad one. Okay. I have to paint the picture for you guys. There was an obese, Caucasian, woman; wearing glasses and some funny, looking, black shoes. She was dressed more for an church picnic then a night out. She got on the mic and sung a song I haven't heard since my freshmen year of college. I didn't like it then, but it was hilarious watching and hearing her sing it now.
"Pussy Control" Is what she sung! When she hit those high notes you almost fell out of your chair. I mean everybody in the place was looking all together crazy at this chic! Anyhow the sailors have a 2AM curfew and if you break it, you wont be able to leave the ship the next day. Furthermore we said our good byes and went our separated way, but not before they invited us to go on their ship Memorial Day.

Suzy was so drunk we had to walk arm and arm. I know most people thought we were lesbos. That usually the case now a days when you see the same sex walking like that. Oh well. We know better. We went to a pizza restaurant. After drinking I always want to eat, besides some food would help lighten the buzz. The place we went to had .99 cheese slices, and they were soo tasty! Then again every thing taste great when you have enough drinks in you. We each had three slices. Every time we finished one slice; I went back up to the counter to order another. As I got up the second time, I noticed two men from a different country were talking about me in another language. One kept pointing at my breast. Then he came over to me and spoke in English. He said "Fake?", pointing at my double D's. "No" I told him "Real." He kept insisting they were fake. Finally I touched them and said "See how they move?, Softtt. NOT Harddd. They're real!" "OO!" he said "Yes, REAL", Then he smiled at me and left me alone. His friend approached me and apologized for his Conrad's behavior. By the third time I got up to get another slice;the server looked at me as if he were saying "you pig". The pies were leaving quick every minute he was pulling out a fresh pie from the oven. Too bad I cant remember the name of the restaurant because its a great place to go after partying. Specially with them being open extremely late .

Until next time;-)

Karaoke and Naked Men Part 2

As we got closer to the door we could now read the bill board sign out side the club. It read: Prom Night. "Huh..what"? "You got to be kidding me"? Somebody please tell me, that's only the theme of the night! As I begin to look at the faces of the people in line and around me. I noticed that they looked a lot younger than me. This would explain why the majority of the girls there had all there body parts hanging out. Backs and Fronts just showing. I mean it looked as if these young girls were at a prostitute in training convention. Everybody was hoochiefied out. I felt like I was too conservative, and I had on a classy cute dress. When your young sometimes you don't know the difference between Class and Trash. If you turn to and uncut BET video you will see what I mean. Times have defiantly change. We didn't wear coochie shorts and heals to my prom. I think the slinkiest thing I wore as a teen were a pair of homemade daisy dukes. Awww... the good Ole days. There were people there my age and older, but there were a lot of younger people there. Some who still look like they were juniors in high school. This was NOT my cup of tea. I'm not ready to be a Cougar yet.

Once we got inside the female security guard had to frisk you and search through your purse. The lady was so busy throwing away my key chain; which was really a link that separates one set of keys from another. She told me that I couldn't take it inside the club. I would have to throw it away. I would also have to check my mace at the door. I could pick it up when I left. I asked her why couldn't I check both of items? Why would she keep one and throw the other away. It didn't make any sense! Then she looked at me and dropped my key chain in the trash >:-(
She was soo busy trying to get rid of my key link that her slow butt for got to frisk me. Doesn't make any sense does it? Once inside the club we found out with four different floor were four different events. You had a post prom party going on, along with two other parties on other floors,
BUT Where in the Hell Were the Strippers? Nobody knew! We asked several different staff and of course got several different answers. No one new what was going on. First we were told that the strippers were on the lower level. Then we were told they were upstairs.

Finally we were told they were in the basement level. We went to the basement level and there was a door man there. He told us that they hadn't came yet, but we were welcome to take a seat and wait until the doors open. We waited about ten minutes maybe. When the girl who told us about the strippers started tripping big time. Lets call her Kate for privacy reason. She said that she didn't want to sit and wait. She wanted to go dance!
I asked her "with who?" The high schoolers"?
The other women and myself were ready to bounce! Kate got upset because we didn't want to stay. She started making smart comments out the side of her mouth and I had to check her.
It went something like this: "LOOK, how old are you again?". She said 25yrs. "Well, then your grown. If you want to stay you can, but I have to be at work in the morning and I am NOT in the mood nor am I dressed to be dancing, ex specially not with any children. I came to see sexy, male, meat get on the stage and shake their money maker! You know what I'm saying?"

*Personal Note* It is for this very reason why I like to meet people at places and not go together because you don't have to fill obligated to stay together. If you ready to bounce, you can.
No questions and No attitudes!

After three minutes passed Kate decided to leave with the rest of us. I went to pick up my mace and the female security guard asked me why was I leaving so soon. I told her we came for the strippers and they weren't there yet. She informed me that they had performed already. Then the other security guard butted in and said that was incorrect. They would be performing in anther hour, and yet No one really knew for sure! This reminded of my situation with the Port Authority. Dumb, Rude and Ignorant workers all around.

I told her that I was ready to leave and I would like my mace back. Now I want the readers to tell me if this makes any sense at all? The security guard gave me back my mace and told me to go out the other exit; which was on the other side of the club. I didn't have an escort. No one was monitoring me. Why in the hell did she take my mace in the first place? I could have maced anyone and still gotten out of the club with no one being any wiser. What was the point of checking the mace. Let alone throwing my key chain away???

Once out side there were plenty of people still trying to get into this lame club. I don't know you always here big things about Webster Hall. Maybe we just came on the wrong night...Anyway as we walk towards the end of the block we heard a loud screech and then a bang. There were two cabs on the corner, and one had ran into the other. It's not right, but it was funny to me! I started heckling. Especially when the cab driver got out his cab to curse the other cab driver. I yelled "Don't y'all got insurance?" If the cab drivers cant drive in NYC then no one can. If you ask me everybody here drives crazy!

Now I have made it back to the subway. I'm on the train for about 15 minutes. Back in time square waiting to make my transfer so I can take my tired self home, and try to get some rest. I see the N train pass, and then nothing, and then more nothing. I 'm wondering why is it taking so long. It's usually a three minute wait at the most to make a transfer. That's when I realized I have been waiting at the wrong line for over 15minutes. I get to the right line, and make it home safely. I know you want to laugh...Go ahead;-)

All I have to say is
" I Should have went with my first instinct and stayed my chocolate behind in the house!" Why do we question our first instinct?

Karaoke and Naked Men?

On Monday I went to a place called Dusk. It was karaoke night, which by the way is my new found love! Dusk was great. The song book they had were the best I had ever seen. There was something for everybody. You could choose: hip hop, R&B, soul, pop, country,TV themes, musicals even gospel. The atmosphere was right and the people had a good aura about them.

It seemed as if everyone was having a good time. Singing, drinking and making a fool or ourselves. New York is filled with so many different races and cultures. I honestly believe there are people here from every inch of the world. Which means there is a lot of interracial dating. I'm open to dating all races, but there is one thing I don't understand. When it come to the Caucasian race and myself the only kind men that try to talk to me are the dorky ones.

One of them was all over me at Karaoke. He even manage to take my shoe off and started tickling my foot...and when he pulled me on to the dance floor he put his hands around my waist and twist my hips so fast I thought I was going to upchuck. So someone tell me why I don't attract the handsome Caucasian men? Then again maybe I should give the dorky ones a chance. They always say
"what you need is the total opposite of what your looking for".

On Thursday I went out, even though my body wanted to stay in. It had been a long day. I had only gotten three hours of sleep the night before and I had to work an 11 hour shift that started at 6AM. It was so hot that Thursday afternoon that my Afro was sweating. If lack of sleep wont ware you down then heat definitely will. When I got off of work I just wanted to take a long shower, and eat the homemade pizza that I had made while watching Golden Girls. One of my girlfriends really wanted me to go hang out with her and some of our other acquaintances at Hawaiian Tropics.

It was the beginning of Fleet Week, and there were going to be a lot of sailors out and about. I told her that I had just got done cooking my homemade pizza, and I was really hungry. I told her after I ate, I would meet her there for cocktails. She told me not to do that. She didn't want me to be late. We could split and appetizer. Consequently I looked at my freshly baked pie, and I decided not to cancel on her and the group. Biggest mistake I made that week.

Dressed and ready to go. I get outside and the heat wave is gone and it is raining. "Ooooh my" for those of you who don't know. I sold my beloved car the very same day I moved to NYC. Which means I have to walk, take the bus, the subway, or a cab to get to where I want to go. You don't know how tempted I was to go right back up into my apartment and say to my home girl
"Sorry for your Luck". Instead I went back to my apartment, grab an umbrella, and trucked it to the subway station.

By the time I had made it to Time Square the rain had pretty much stopped. I walked into the restaurant. To my surprise my friend was not there yet, but everyone else was. I tried to wait on her, but I was too hungry. As I ordered of the menu I couldn't help but to think of my fresh, hot, cheesy, pizza that I had passed up at home because my friend didn't want me to be late. Subsequently, now I have to spend my money on some food, that I didn't even want. Although the boneless buffalo wings did look appealing. The food was really good, but left me entirely wanting more to eat, not full filling in the least. I cold have ordered some fries to go with my meal to fill me up, but I didn't want to spend $7 on a side of fries, when I have a whole bag of potatoes sitting in the fridge. Don't get me wrong. I love to go out and eat. The point of it, is to order something you would not normally make your self! By the time my home girl showed up. I had eaten and finished off my cocktail. It was cool though. The company was good and the atmosphere was spacey. Not to mention the nice jazz band.

The night was coming to an end and I was ready to go home. That's when one of the other girls suggested we all go to Webster Hall because they were going to have male strippers there, and since it was ladies night we would get in free.
Happily 4 out of 8 of us hopped on the subway to Union Square and went to the Infamous Webster Hall that is known for holding up to 3000 people at a time with four different levels. I personally couldn't wait to see Dick, Ball, and Harry! As we got into a long line out side the building two girls begin talking to us. They were obviously drunk. They told us how the had been at the club earlier but it wasn't jumping. They left to go do something else, and then they went home to change their appearance so they could get back in. Apparently the club only lets you in once a night.

See part 2

Free Cab Rides?

I don't even know where to begin...So as they say let start with the beginning. Monday afternoon walking down the street in Harlem I was palmed. By that I mean a stranger, who looked as if he was homeless, came from behind me and palmed my left butt cheek! He quickly walked passed me and down the street as I stopped and stared at him in shock!

Thinking "that homeless guy just grabbed my tale and I didn't even get a chance to mace him..."

As I looked around I notice that there were two other men that had seen this profound act. They looked a little surprised too, but there was nothing I could really do. I mean he was homeless and out of my eyesight. I'm sure that just made his day, but it ruin mine.

On Thursday evening I went on a blind date and we really hit it off. When there is more to tell on that subject, I will. As of right now, there is not. Any how we decided to go for a walk after eating and drinking and that is when I saw my first famous person in NYC. Apparently there was a Roberta Flat concert going on at the Apollo Theater and Bill Cosby was going to be there, although that's not who I saw. Coming out of the back stage door, he was joking with his escort telling her how horrible of a job she was doing. To tell you the truth she looked like a common Caucasian woman to me. Personal thought
"Shoot I probably could making mint for the men that like the ethnic look!" I started to ask her what agency she worked for, but decided against it. As I took a double look at her date I realized I was starring in the face
Chevy Chase, although I couldn't remember his name at the time.
(I'm soo bad with names.) He was not even three feet beside me. Question? Is he an B-list, or C-list star now? Then I saw him do something that made me realize, that just because your famous doesn't stop you from being human. Have you ever picked your nose in public? Well I'm here to tell you that famous people do it too! Enough said!!

Which brings me to the weekend. I decided not to go out this weekend. It wasn't that I didn't have places to be. I had already gone out twice during the week, and I was just plain ole tired. It's hard to kick it all the time when you work full time and you realize you just aren't as young as you used to be;-)

I did make myself go out Sunday afternoon to enjoy brunch with some friends. Besides who can resist a $20 brunch that includes unlimited Mimosas and Bloody Marys? I had two Bloody Mary's and three Mimosas. Did I mentioned that I spilled my third Bloody Mary on my skirt and broke the glass? I wasn't alone though. One of the other girls did the same thing. I mean, come on when you have unlimited alcohol someone is bound to spill a drink or break a glass:-) The food was good too. Although I had to send my order back because it was cold. This was after I had changed my order. I was really worried that they might spit in my food...but the alcohol should kill it right?? LOL...I know, that's nasty. Anyhow I went to the ladies room to wash my skirt out. Thank goodness they had one of those super, automatic, hand dryers that moves the flesh on your hand when you put your hand underneath it. My skirt was almost dry. When I realized I was holding up the line for the ladies restroom so I went into the men bathroom to continue the drying process. No men were in there, at least not at first.

Sorry folks. This is not what the blog is about to day. What I really want to share with you is the very beginning of Sunday. As if spilling vodka and tomato juice on my cream skirt wasn't enough!


The very beginning. I put on some cute clothes and was rocking my Afro as I walked down the street in my espadrille heels only to get stopped by a cab. I'm going to tell you right now. I had almost made it to the subway station. I only had to take about 20 more steps and I would have been there. I should have kept on walking. The cab driver asked me where I was going. I told him 46Th street. Now I want you to keep in mind that I was 89 blocks from my destination. He told me to hop in. I asked him how much was this cab ride going to cost me and he just smiled.

My head voice told me "Don't get in", but my feet voice said
"Wow, what luck". I got into the cab and immediately the cab drive turned sideways in his seat so he could look at me and the road. He then reached back and shook my hand. His English wasn't good, but I could understand him. He told me how beautiful I was and that he liked my outfit. What started off as a shaking of hands turned into a hand hold, and in about 30 seconds turned into molestation of my hand. He started rubbing, squeezing, fondling my fingers, pressing his hand against mine, and drawing circles.

I began to get worried as well as feeling uncomfortable. I had all these crazy thoughts going through my head. First one being:

1.What in the HELL did I get myself into?
2. This route doesn't look familiar,where is he taking me?
3.Do cab drivers have a secret place where they take their victims?
4.Rape, Kidnapping, etc.
5.What if he tries to dump my body in the river?

As I snapped myself back into reality, I snatch my hand back and tried to make small talk with him. His body language told me that he was truly disappointed and his English become worse. Subsequently I did find out that he was from the Dominican Republic and that he has been driving in NYC for three years. As we continued to drive along I just knew this man was going to charge me for this ride since I wasn't feeling him the way he was feeling me. As we approached my destination I asked him "how much do I owe you?". He just smiled at me and told me to have a wonderful afternoon.

I politely thanked him and told him to have a good afternoon, but what I was really thinking was "Lawd Help and Thank You at the same time!"

P.S. for all my smart Alec's; My mother taught me never to get in the car with strangers, but you usually forfeit that rule when it's a cab. Now I don't know..?

Elevators and Subways

Somebody tell me, why is it when your looking your ugliest is when you see the cutest opposite sex. I literally looked like I had just rolled out of the bed. I had to go down to the first floor to pick up something. I would have taken the steps back up, but who wants to walk up 14 flights. I knew there were people getting on to the elevator because I could hear them. Something told me to wait for the next one, but I didn't listen. There he was: Tall, dark and handsome. Subsequently, there I was: hair not done and in some PJ bottoms. OMG! Why me? Why now? He should have been in the elevator yesterday when I was stopping traffic. Dang! Oh well, wasn't meant to be. He spoke to the other girl who had on the skin tight leggings and heels. Then here I come with a box full of things in my hand and and he didn't even part his lips to ask what floor I was going to. I can laugh about it now, but that was really sad. We as a human race all do it. If you look nice or pretty you will get treated better appose to you looking dumb and ugly. If your wondering have I've learned my lesson? The answer is NO. I will continue to meet the delivery guy or pick up my mail looking a mess if I want to. I don't want a man who wants me only for my looks any way.

Dressed and ready to go handle my business. I'm back on the subway and It was crowded as hell. I usually don't go to Time Square on Saturdays afternoons just for this reason. Packed like Sardines is an under statement! I don't know if I was smelling ass or underarm. All I knew was that the smell was close to me. I was dressed up because I had an audition. Thank the Lord, I had my flats on. For the first few stops I had to stand right in front of a man. Seriously we were so smacked up against each other there ought to be a law against it. To make it worse an over weight man and his son had to squeeze by myself and another to get off at their stop. Making me press my entire front side onto the man. Had I had on my heels, I would have felt like the guy in front of me owed me $20 for the free lap dance he had just gotten out of me. There is No such thing as personal space in NYC.

Well the good thing is now there are some seats to sit in. Another man and I squeeze pass to sit down. I realize I beat out a lady for a seat. I guess a few people were eying those two seat, but hey, you have to move fast.
Sorry for your Luck!
No, I'm just playing. Well not really, but seriously the man should had offered up his seat to her. I wont say Chivalry is dead, but it's definitely on life support!

Now I'm wondering if I should have remained standing as I figure out it's the man next to me smelling like dirty, sour, sweaty, socks. I slightly lean in the other direction trying to breathe a form of better air, and it's not helping. Yes! My stop is up.

Just when you think you have seen it all, you see some more. Two young girlie girls, the prissy type, are making out in the subway with each other. There is another guy that has on a woman's, red, velveteen, catsuit. He was tall, dark, and skinny. Trust me he looked a Hot Mess! Then there was a Spanish guy holding a sign on his numbs because he didn't have any arms. I had to put some money in his bag. I think that's how they get you. If you take the time to read there sign and look at them, How dare you not put any money in the bag! It's a good plan actually and it works. His bag was filled with bills. He said something to me in Spanish, but it was more than thank you. He said a whole sentence, maybe a phrase of thanks. I hope it wasn't a curse of sorts. Okay I'm being paranoid.

All I am trying to say is that I don't need HBO On Demand or any other On Demand. I just have to walk out side. Until next time.

Art, Karaoke and DON'T for get the Shoes

I attended an upscale art exhibit event this Saturday. I put on my little black dressed and some cute little ballet flats and put the stilettos in my purse. Well least to say I got lost. The street I was looking for ended as soon as it started sending me, as well as quite a few others on a wild goose chase. I found the location for the event after being lost for over 15 minutes. I thanked GOD for giving me the common sense to wear flats. I did so much walking that I never did put my heels on that night.

I ran into some ladies in the bathroom and we begin talking about shoes. I told them that I thought the women of NYC were all about the shoes. They told me last year they were, but things are changing. More women are going for comfort as far as the feet are concern. One lady told me she did have here shoes on when she first got there, but after ten minutes she took them off. That's when we begin comparing who had the cutest heels off, pulling them out of our bags and showing them off. Of course I won! Although it was an upscale event more than 80% of the women had on flats. The whole event reminded me of various movies I've seen. Where there are different types of people at an art viewing. They are drinking and cackling to each other about what the art work says to them, and no ones really knows who the other is. Well that's exactly what this was. I always wanted to got to an event like this. I actually had a very nice time mingling with strangers, and enjoying different wines paired with chocolate and cheeses.

The event was coming to an end, and I wasn't ready to go home. After five glasses of wine, I had tons of energy. So I suggested to a couple that I had just met that night that we go to a karaoke bar. Pretty soon I was inviting everyone that crossed my path. The next thing I knew we had a group of 15 people going to karaoke, and we had a blast! I sung two songs. One by Brandy and another by Mary J. Blige. I haven't done karaoke in over three years and I wasn't sure how I would do. I guess I wasn't half bad because a few people stopped by my table to tell me they enjoyed my singing. Anyhow after I singing and drinking, and drinking and singing, we all ordered some food. I had only taken one little bite when I dropped my hot wing on my lap and then to the floor. You don't know how bad I wanted to pick it up. I usually don't have butter fingers when it comes to my food, and after three attempt of the straw missing my mouth and hitting my cheek I knew I was tipsy. Yep! It was time to order a water. "Waitress"!

It was after 1 A.M. when the yawning begin to set in. My rule is once you yawn more than two times at a night spot it time to take your tail home. So we all begin to part and say our fare wells. That is until the waitress came back to our table because somebody or bodies had skipped out on paying their part of the bill! Lawd help. All I have to say about that is I paid for my drink and paid for my portion of the wings that I shared with some one else. Other than that I wasn't too much concern because I knew I was NOT about to pay for what I didn't drink or eat. Some guy that was from Denmark picked up the rest of the bill. Consequently I think it was his friend, and another guy that left him hanging. I say this because they both left at the same time, which was before everyone else. Plus they order multiple drinks and three entrees, which was about the total of the shortage of the balance due on the bill. Oh well not my problem! Let that be a lesson to get separate checks or pay for your own order upfront.

Now I'm on the subway. I am tired and cant wait to get safely inside my apartment. I don't know why men just have to sit with their legs wide open. I try not to look, but I can't help myself. You guys know what I'm talking about.....Yes I'm staring at men crotches on the train! I think because it is at eye level when your looking down and not in the person face. I've seen all different shapes and sizes. Makes you wonder whats really in there. Hmmm...Is that bad? I mean when you think about it men stare at women's breast all the time. This kind of makes it even. Doesn't it?

My stop has come up. I get off, and I notice this Hispanic couple walking in front of me. The guy is dressed casual. The woman was dressed like a hoochie, but she did have on some slamming heels. The shoes were bright and multi colored with a life like material on the side. It looked like a flower or a bow. It was after 2am and dark so I cant be for sure. As they are walking the lady slips twice in her shoes. She then starts walking on the inside of her feet. This is when I notice her dogs must be killing her. Next thing I know she yelling at him saying "NO". She then pushes him to the side and takes her very fashionable stilettos off. He gets made at her and says something to her in Spanish. I assume it's about her walking in her stalking feet on the cement. You guys know you cant be walking like that in NYC. I don't care how bad your feet hurt. As I walk pass the couple I suggested to him that he should just give her a piggy back ride. She looks at me in agreement. Then I told her my heels are in my purse, and next time she should bring a back up pair and keep them in her purse. He tells me that he told her to do that. I don't know if he really suggested this to her or not, since she was looking at me like "Damn, why didn't I think of that?"

What I do know, is that we women through to dag on much to maintain our sexiness and guys can look sexy in tennis shoes and a white-T. Whats really going on?

Vudu Lounge

PMS ain't no joke! I got invited to four different parties for Friday night and decided not to go to any nan one of them. However I did go out Saturday to the Vudu Lounge and had and awesome time. Met some new people and had some great drinks. Actually I had too many drinks. My head was hurting before I got home. Red wine and Gin do NOT mix, but that Tom Collins taste soo good. I couldn't resist!

Anyhow, you know me. I came to dance the night away. I even remembered to bring a backup pair of shoes. Which brings me to discuss the high heel situation in New York City. I am noticing that a lot of females aren't wearing stilettos or even platforms at the club. They have on flats, Ballet flats, dress flats, plain flats. Don't get me wrong. You do a lot of walking in NYC if you don't have a vehicle. I've lost 12 pounds since I moved here. There for I definitely understand why they do it, but it's weird. I thought NYC was one of the main cities known for its fashion and definitely for the women rocking the shoes. Surely some of you watch
Sex and the City. So whats really going on? Why am I one of the few show casing the stilettos, and praying that I don't get hammer toes? I'm still going to wear my heels. Shoot that's part of my divaness, but you better believe when the time is right the backup pair is coming out of the bag! With that said I kicked off the dancing; which wasn't hard because the DJ was slamming. I looked up at the booth, and was shocked to find a female DJ spinning. She was on point. Every time I went to sit down, I had to get right back up to dance. I wish you (my readers) could have been there.

Now you know there are always at least two people on the dance floor jamming. The only problem is one of those people can dance and the other, well they really can not. It's usually a male, but this time it was a lady. I was actually introduced to this lady at the bar. Her name will remain anonymous. I remember she was drinking red wine, and screw driver. Consequently if you can not dance, drinking a mixture like that will not help you. When she saw me move to the dance floor it was all she wrote. I think she was just waiting for someone to get the party started.

She got her groove on with some of the finest men in there, and she wasn't cute. She just didn't care. Mad props go out to her. Seriously she danced and moved like she had two broke legs and I am not exaggerating in the least! I am starting to think maybe something was wrong with her legs.. It was a sight to see. I don't think I've ever seen such horrible dancing in my life! She had some serious confidence. I will give her that. She was kicking, twisting, and high stepping, etc... LMAO. It was a HOT MESS! Oh My Gosh. I really don't think you understand. It was like someone had lit a seal on fire! I'll leave it to your imagination...

Self Realization

I have just come to the realization that I have a huge, Pa Dunk a Dunk, Back Side, Junk in the Trunk, A Phat Azz. The music industry has gotten rich off of songs about the gluteus maximus. "Baby's got Back", "Doing the Butt", (Darlene got a Big o Butt,Oh Yeah!)and there are many more. You may not believe this, but I thought my Behind was a normal size. Do you remember the song? "You got a big o dookie booty, let me see that dookie booty". Okay just had a flash back of me dancing to house music.

I was walking down the street today and I got a glimpse of myself in one of those long storefront windows. I couldn't believe what I saw. My butt was twitching and bouncing all on its own! Every step I took it seem to pity pat two times on each cheek. Like some one was playing tom toms. I was walking fast, so I slowed down to see if it made a difference. It didn't. I watched my self walk and shake in the window for about five seconds. Oh my gosh! One of my girlfriends told me my behind moved like that, and I didn't believe her.

I have my grandmother to thank for this butt. I am built just like her. Lawd help. I just had a thought. My behind must look like the beginning of an earthquake when I get to shouting in church. That's probably one of the reason they brake out the blankets to cover you up!

Back when I was in high school the Caucasian boys gave me the nick name "Ghetto Booty". I just thought they had a taste for chocolate. I also remember when my sisters were younger they would ask me why I twitched when I walked. I told them I didn't know what they were talking about. They assured me that my but was moving when I walked. At the age of seven and eight they kept insisting that I was shaking my butt on purpose. Odd thing is I didn't even know it was moving. I couldn't feel a thing. Years later I realize they were right. I've been moving like that and there is nothing I can do to help it. Oh well. Some people have junk in the trunk, and some have junk in the front.

Greyhound 2: Will It Stop

It is such a shame how we act as if we are going to die when one of our electronics stops working. Rather it's the TV, computer, DVD player, etc, we go into epileptic shock. Unfortunately for me, it was my cell phone. Something told me to bring my emergency phone, but I didn't listen. I couldn't receive calls, nor could I make them. I couldn't text or get them. My phone stayed in hot sync mode for three days. My sister tried calling me. I could here the phone ringing on here end, but my screen never showed a thing. I took the battery out for over 10 hours and still no change! I'll say it again. I like Verizon much better than Sprint, and I'll leave it at that!

I'm rushing my mother to get me to the bus station on time. Only to find out that the bus will be 30 minutes late! The clerk tells me this is normal. What the Hell! If that's the case they should just put the late time on the ticket. Once again I decide to go to the bathroom before I get on the bus. You guessed it! The buss pull into the parking lot. Lawd help! I finish up and make my bus.

I thought the trip was going okay, until we made the first stop in Wilmington DE. I remember this stop only taking five minutes on the way there, but 15 minutes has passed and we are still there. The bus driver tells us it will be another 10 minutes before we can leave because another bus is late. Well 10 more minutes turned into 30! Finally on our way again and I couldn't be more relived. Time has passed and we are not even three minute away from the city and we get stuck in traffic. What should have been a four hour trip turned into a six hour trip. As the bus inches along I see a billboard advertisement for an airline. It reads-You could have been there by now. I could do nothing but burst into laughter.

I am so happy to get off the bus I don't know what to do. Then I notice someone has dropped there cell phone on the ground and a piece of luggage has fallen off the bus. This is how disaster trikes. I alert the bus driver as well as one of the useless workers in the neon, green, vest. Good luck to whom ever stuff that is.

I don't know what it is,but it seems like your suitcase is always heavier when you return from a trip. In my case this was true. I had to sit on my suit case to zip it up, and I didn't have to do that before. The wheels on my suitcase begin to bulge out as I pulled it along. Now in the Time Square main subway hub I couldn't find an elevator to take me to my train. Oh no! It will take me three minutes of struggle time to get up two flights of stairs with two suitcases. To every cloud there is a silver lining! A lady offers to help me carry my suitcases up the flights of stairs. I couldn't help to wonder if she was trying to steal my bag. I had gotten to the point where I almost didn't even care. The bags were so heavy that I wouldn't be upset to loose one. Thank goodness I didn't. She was just a good Samaritan. I graciously told her I hope the kindness comes back to her ten times fold. She said she was sure it would. Now on the subway and it is crowded as hell. People are bumping and touching all on each other. I think this is the only place where people don't get upset that your all in their personal space.

Off the subway and walking to my apartment. My bags sound like rocks scrapping the ground. I keep telling myself, I can make it. There is no need to take a cab four blocks. Well I did make it but, I need to visit Asia TuiNa after this trip!

Needless to say, I would do it all over again to spend quality time with my family. Church service, home cooked meals, arguing with my sisters, being surrounded by people who love and care about you, there is nothing like it!

Port Authority...Greyhound...

I don't even know where to start, so I will start at the beginning. I am finally on my bus after all types of Hell. I utterly wanted to scream, and part of me thought I was about to. I think it was that little voice( you know the good angel vs. the bad one) telling me not to. I didn't want security rushing at me, then I would definitely miss my bus. My departure time was 8:30pm and I would arrive at my destination the next day at 12:45am.

Sadly to say 95% of the workers in the bright, neon, green, vest don't have any helpful information to give you about your trip. I asked five different men the same question about my departure gate and got five different answers. Strangely the man that ticketed my baggage had a computer screen up with all the information about my trip and still gave me the wrong departure gate. This was after the man in front of me checked in with over ten pieces of huge luggage. That took over 20 minutes, and if that wasn't enough he begin bargaining with the man because he didn't want to pay $10 a piece for the other seven bags! Now I need to tell you all that I have over seven years of customer service experience and my patience was running extremely thin. I could feel my eyes rolling, as my breathing begin to change to a huff and a puff. Every time the man put one piece of luggage down he was putting another on the scale. I thought I was going to yell "Come on. Are you serious!" Twenty minutes felt like forty.


After checking my luggage. I went to my boarding gate and stood there for 15 minuets. I stood there with several other people. We were all going to the same place and yet we were all at the wrong gate! Thank God I was taught that being on time is being late because I would have missed my bus for sure. Right before I completely snapped I saw a man walking in my direction. He had on the most hideous plaid print pants I had ever seen. I couldn't contain myself any longer. I just busted out laughing! Even now as I type this I cant help but to laugh. I wish I had a picture of those pants. A woman stared at me as I was laughing out loud. All I could think was "thank God for the comic relief!"

As we all changed lines to get to the right departure gate two young ladies with a baby, and there guy friend cut in front of me. "For real ? Really? I don't think so." I politely unhooked the rope and got right back in my spot with them a few feet behind me. Consequently, I now I have to go to the bathroom and I'm afraid to get out of line now because the bus is about to load. I find myself a seat and then go to the bathroom. Thank God for the small things. The bus bathroom was Clean, and I got a seat to my self what a break. What a coincident across from me were two ladies who ran their yaps for four hours straight, and they did NOT use their inside voices! They talked loudly to each other and on the phone. I now know one of the ladies plans for next weekend as well as what she wants to do with her life, and she wasn't even talking to me! Somebody tell me what in the Hell did I do to deserve this torture.

Three hours have passed and I have been lucky to have had the seat all to my self. In the last hour of the trip I hear a male voice ask if anyone is sitting here. I say no without paying him much attention. I move my bag under my feet and he sits down. He then pulls out his laptop and the bright blue light from the screen makes me stare at it. I apologize to him for watching his screen, but it's pitch black on the bus and my eyes are drawn to it. That's exactly what I told him. He says no problem and we talked nonstop for an hour. He shows me pictures of him self and his family. That's when I noticed I was sitting next to a handsome guy. As I looked at pictures of him in his Air force uniform and with out a shirt on.. my eyes grew bigger. We got so carried away in talking about family and the future that I forgot to call my mom and let her know how close I was to my destination. Before I knew it I had arrived in Dover Delaware. Believe it or not I didn't even get his name let alone his phone number!

I get off the bus in what looks like a parking lot. I call my mother and she told me to go directly across the street to the hospital where it is lit. I honestly didn't even know I was at a bus stop. All I could see was gravel. There were no signs and what looked like a shack was closed. So I did what my mother told me to do, and walked around to the emergency room. I stayed outside in front of the pick up drop off area. A old, hick, security guard came out and this is how the conversation went: The man told me that I couldn't go into the emergency room. I told him I wasn't trying to go inside. I was waiting on my mother to come get me. He then told me that the Hospital was private property. I told him that I didn't see any signs saying so. He asked me why didn't I stay at the bus station? I told him that I didn't know it was a bus station. (Besides it dark over there. No lights, no sign. I'm a woman at night with two suitcases) I told him that I was minding my own business not bothering anybody, so why is he bothering me? He then got on his walkie talkie and repeated everything I said to some guy on the other end. Then the man told me I would have to leave unless I was going in the Hospital to be seen. I told him I wasn't going anywhere. My mother has been a nurse as long as I've been alive and I know if your not disturbing the peace there is no reason why you cant wait for your ride to pick you up at the pickup drop off station by the emergency room! My ride would be here in ten minutes. A few minutes later a Caucasian women walked past us. He spoke to her, but you could tell they didn't know each other. That's when it hit me. I lost my home training and snapped!
"Oh, I get it now. It's because I'm Black? You got to be kidding Me? Are you serious ? I can't believe this. You are a very ignorant man! I'm not going anywhere"! That's what I told him.
Sadly that what the whole ordeal was about. My feelings were really hurt. Its a shame that prejudice is still so prominent today. After that he left me alone. My mom showed up about 10 minutes later with my sister behind the wheel practicing for her drivers test, which is entirely another story in it self.